i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
