he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
