She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
