the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
