i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
