i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
