Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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