The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
They took my balls.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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