just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
