A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
