Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
