If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
