Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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