did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
