i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
