I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
