Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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