mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
