i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Four minutes until I can fart!
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
