1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
he quoted the bible to break up with me
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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