I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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