I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
