I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
