Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
