I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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