She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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