I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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