i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
