yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
