I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
