then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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