dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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