oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
