You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
