Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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