one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
