When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
