I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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