just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
