it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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