Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
