Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
