..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Your penis caused this!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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