yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
