I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
