You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
