I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
