My hand turned me down
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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