We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
