do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I am midnight drunk by noon
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
