guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
