i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
