I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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