I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
