even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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